A little over 2 months ago, we finally tied the knot. Yep, we are a family. Super excited about that. Seems things are finally falling into place. School is almost out for my kids. I was finding some routine, we were content. Then just as things seem to be just right where you want them to be. Over the weekend we got punched in the gut. We just waited days in the hospital until my daughter could receive a bone marrow biopsy. Why? She is having some mysterious symptoms that seemed to be everything she experienced at the beginning of diagnosis. Luckily the news was good news and she is still cancer free. It just makes you realize how lucky you are.
We are still in the hospital. We are not sure what is causing the pain but if we can get her through the day with only oral pain meds we will get to go home. Hoping that is only a day or so but not sure if that will be the case. The Doctors are unsure what it is and how to cure it besides just managing the pain. However, I will take this in the scheme of things. I will take a setback over a complete "Go Back To Start".
When you are first diagnosed, your are kind of naive, for lack of a better word. You probably know not one family with cancer, and if you do, it's not the kind your kid has. They are just a story you heard on the internet. When your child is diagnosed this changes, these become family members almost. As you watch families triumph and win some battles, you also see families lose battles and it breaks your heart. I have seen too many families lose their children, and some to the same kind of cancer my child has "the good kind of leukemia". The kind that 95% of the kids are supposed to beat. You realize then that someone has to be that 5 % and they may be someone you know and they may be you. I pray daily that it will never be us. However, how bold of me to think that my child is worth saving over the 5% that didn't make it.
That is when the guilt sets in. You feel guilty when you have befriended someone and their child is lost. You feel guilty when you are rejoicing in a victory and they are now celebrating angelversaries. It never gets easier. You feel relief as each month passes. However, you never feel clear and out of the woods. My daughter is 12 she gets this all she cries when we lose friends, she has even made friends with some moms. I hate telling her a warrior we were following has earned their wings.
So while you read my blog tonight, hug your kids, your family, leave a sweet message. Do something to show someone you love, that they are appreciated. No one is promised tomorrow, however we can always make the most of today.
