I just got home a couple days ago from a life changing experience. What was that experience you may want to know? I could say it was shaving my head. However it was not just the shaving of my head. It was the experience as a whole with a great group of women. These women have walked in your shoes, some have children still fighting, some were survivors themselves, others had children that lost their battle. There were others there that just felt so strongly for our children they were willing to stand and shave by our side!
It is amazing the emotions that this weekend brings about. For me being with "my team" was amazing. I felt like I had met long lost sisters. Do I think we all think alike and would be besties in any other circumstances? I think that in other circumstances most of us would have never crossed paths but I am glad we did even if I am sad on the circumstances. As I was sitting up there in my chair waiting for the shave, the emotions came.
It was not emotions of sadness, or happiness, it was so overwhelming I do not think I could explain it to you why I was crying. I was crying because these were my friends who have shared so much of my daughter's journey with me not just by being by my side but by watching their child fight the same evil monster. It was that really I had never thought this day would ever happen and now not only were we meeting we were shaving our heads in solidarity!
An amazing photographer I have known for about a year that does so many amazing shoots for special cancer families was there. We have become much more than facebook friends and I can't even explain the connection felt there. For her to be the one photographing me at such an emotional moment. I just can't explain how that felt. To have her hand on mine while I thought about my daughter's journey and how far we had become, indescribable.
Women that we talked with that had lost their babies, who explained they are not jealous of us for having our children. This was not because they didn't miss their child or don't wish they had survived but because they know their child no longer has to fight. There is no envy among us cancer moms, yes A.L.L has one of the "best" "cure rates". However, A.L.L also has some of the longest harshest treatments. There is no comparing one cancer to the other, because in general they all suck. We will never have the child we started with, they will forever be changed. We all I think got to hear and say these words out loud to each other this past weekend.
Another thing I realized this weekend is IT WILL NEVER BE OVER. I used to look forward to the end date. The date we would be done. I realize I will never be done. Many times this thought poked through this weekend, not just by me but by other moms. It was comforting to know I was not alone. It is not just about raising money for research. It is about the comradery, comfort, and compassion. I am thankful I was able to be part of this experience and do not intend to end there. I hope that one day this event makes it possible for cures to be found that don't kill our children in the process of killing the disease.
