EFF YOU CANCER!! EFF YOU!!!

Yeah I said it! Last night a little boy lost his battle to cancer. He earned his wings. God gained another angel. All appropriate things to say and while yes I am glad he is no longer in pain. He should have never felt that pain to begin with. We have seen so much of this since my daughter began her fight 1 year and 1 month ago.

I like most of you was oblivious to cancer before it came and slapped me in the damn face. Since then my family has met so many other families dealing with this horrible disease. So many have not been as lucky as we have. Each time a life is lost I feel so many emotions sadness, relief, guilt all at the same time. I pray for these families daily. I hope for a miracle but know that when there is cancer, death is always right there. Days like today throw things in my face to remind me we are not safe.

I would like to think when Kin makes it to her 5 year remission mark I will breath a sigh of relief and know she is okay then. Truth is, it is not always okay, there is no safe. There is that chance, it is a lottery and we were the lovely frickin winners! Now every time my "healthy kid" gets sick my mind goes there. My sons had a few tummy aches lately, the non-cancer mom says hes faking. The cancer mom says what if I ignore this and something happens.

It is not fair, it is not right! No one I mean NO ONE should have to live like this. Yet we do, we live like everyone else. Okay maybe not like everyone else you know. We do not get the luxury of waiting out a fever. My kid gets a cough a little longer than others, and I think pneumonia. Right now she is fighting an ear infection that keeps lingering even that is bothering me. So I just want to say EFF YOU CANCER I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!